The Fool

The Fool

The definition of a fool

is

one who continues to make the same mistakes

over

and

over

and

over

again.

I am such a person.

It causes me great consternation,

but I plow on

convinced somehow

that it’s all unrecognized

genius.

I’d commit suicide if I wasn’t so

curious about what crap

is going to

crop up

next.

But America is trying to kill me

so I don’t need to commit suicide.

That job has already been assigned

and the hit is being carried out

as we speak

here

tonight.

I keep hoping for an opening

though I can see

as clear as a June morning

on a Sierra lake

that there is no door

no window

no gate

into

the open.

There is a world that lives

in my mind

that will always be

an apparition

hovering in the distance.

I flail against the wall

like a drowning person

beating my fists

till they bleed

until finally I am spent

husked out of my shell

and cast against the stones.

There,

I’ve gone and done it

again.  

Heroes

Most of my life I've had the attitude that having heroes was a bad thing. There was a kind of suicide there, buried in the reveration of another. The subordination seemed to be equivalent to a denigration to me.
All the while I had my heroes, of course.
I tried to avoid having only one, or having too many.
I criticized these 'heroes' when I saw fit, thus absolving myself of the sin of 'having heroes'.
I do have my heroes, however.
Here are some of them:

Claudie
Emma
Charles Darwin
Charles Bukowski
Che Guevara
Charlie Parker
Blind Blake
Louie CK
Lenny Bruce
Knut Hamsun
Fyodor Dostoyevski
Michael Lynch
Louis Ferdinand-Celine
Missippippi John Hurt
Miles Davis
Thelonius Monk
Barry Bonds
...
there are others, of course.
Perhaps I'll add to this list; accrete additional heroes onto my armor...who knows?
Perhaps I'll add to the list in days to come...